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My ass.Jigsaw is dead. Amanda is dead. Jeff is dead. Detective Tapp is dead. Detective Kerry is dead. Detective Matthews is dead. Rigg is dead. Agent Strahm is dead. Who the fuck am I supposed to care about now? Oh, the new and slightly pudgy killer Hoffman and Jigsaw’s ex-wife Jill you say? Fan-fucking-tastic.

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Quite the FACE OFF... heh heh...Meh.

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Saw needs trannies...In his third and final outing as director for the series, Darren Lynn Bousman took on a script by Feast writers Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan to continue the series while leading it in a new direction.  What they created was a gory, fast-paced thriller that marked a beginning to the second Saw trilogy, while shedding light (and a shitload of blood) on Jigsaw’s past.

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Nice hoodie.When the cheaply-made Saw II made bookoo bucks at the box office, it was only logical to assume the sequel was on it’s way.  Again it was rushed into production, this time already outfitted with Darren Lynn Bousman as director and writer, with the aid of the first’s James Wan and Leigh Whannel.  This collaboration marked the end of what some might call the Saw trilogy and to many more, the end of their quality.

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Two fingers up.After the success of Saw on the festival circuit, Twisted Pictures and Lionsgate decided to sign a writer and director for a sequel as soon as possible.  Taking aside filmmaker Darren Lynn Bousman and his oft-denied script The Desperate, James Wan and Leigh Whannel offered to produce his idea with a few changes under the Saw II title.  Bousman accepted the offer and, along with Whannel, rewrote his script and signed on as director.  The rest is (Saw franchise) history.

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Jigsaw is quite the HEAD CASE!  Ho ho...The Saw franchise started out as the Little Engine That Could and quickly morphed into that fucking train that makes you late to work.  Starting out as an indie flick produced by Twisted Pictures and based on a previous short by director James Wan and writer Leigh Whannel, Saw was a low budget film starring two actors near the death of their careers and a whole lot of cheap sets and creative set pieces.  It’s surprise success began one of the most ridiculously fast strings of sequels ever seen, as well as a resurgence for the previously obscure torture sub-genre.

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Please, take me out of my misery with your tie of death!I didn’t think it could happen.  It really didn’t seem possible.  I… I literally can’t believe it’s actually happened.  When I entered that dark room to see it, I thought “there’s no way, no way it could be as bad as…” and I banished the thought from my head.  It simply wasn’t conceivable.  Yet here I sit in the backstage of a community theater on this cold and rainy night, able to confirm the unimaginable.  The remake of The Stepfather is worse than Stepfather III.

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Hey, that's not John Locke!The difficult part of writing a review for Stepfather 2 was that it was pretty much the same quality as it’s predecessor.  Sure, it had more budget constraints and a different storyline, but they shared most of the same attributes.  So, when I began watching Stepfather III, I was happy to find that I wouldn’t have to deal with that problem again.  Because it sucked.  It really, really, REALLY sucked.  Damn.

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stepfather-2At the end of Joseph Ruben’s The Stepfather, it appeared that the saga of Jerry Blake was at an end.  After a barrage of smart script writing and an enthralling Terry O’Quinn, life was cut short for everyone’s favorite family man for the sake of narrative closure.  It appeared that The Stepfather was no more, and would remain as a single, simple thriller unburdened by sequels.  Thank merciful Bowie for greedy studio execs.

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John Locke is fucking crazy.There’s nothing quite like a satisfying little thriller. It doesn’t pretend to be too important or ground-breaking, it doesn’t make its villain too omnipotent, and it doesn’t have too-smart-for-its-own-good subtext. This modesty takes the intriguing premise of Joseph Ruben’s The Stepfather and raises it to a whole new level, creating a classic and unnerving thriller for the whole (dead) family.

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