Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990) Review, Or: There’s Roadkill All Over Texas

Damn it, Jeff Burr.  Just when I’m starting to like you after Stepfather 2, I go back and watch Leatherface:  Texas Chainsaw Massacre III and remember just how damn flawed you really are.  It’s gonna fucking suck when I review the Pumpkinhead series…

TCM III centers on Michelle (Kate Hodge) and Ryan (William Butler), a couple driving from California to Florida to deliver an old car.  As they pass through Texas, they come across a gas station, where they meet charming hitchhiker Tex (Viggo Mortensen) and creepy gas station attendant Alfredo (Tom Everett).  After  he’s caught watching Michelle using the bathroom by Tex, Alfredo goes berserk and attacks them all with a shotgun.  Michelle and Ryan escape while Tex draws Fredo’s fire, following a route suggested by Tex.  After a series of attacks, including one from Leatherface (R.A. Mihailoff), the two end up in an accident along with survivalist Benny (Ken Foree), and the trio find themselves hunted by a new family of cannibalistic psychopaths.

Remember the tense build-up of the original TCM, and the well-executed black humor and gore of the second?  Expect neither from this poorly executed mess of an installment.  Here we have what appears to be a meaningless cash-in, of which even Mr. Burr (who apparently tried to get his name taken off as director) thought little of.  It’s production history is one of unnecessary crippling by the studio and MPAA, which sadly effects the final product far too much to be ignored.

Before I go on, I should note that the copy I got a hold of is the R-rated theatrical cut, without the apparently ample gore and extra Viggo of the original unrated cut.  As much as I’d like to review that version, this is what I’ve got and if the original 1974 flick can make it without any gore, this one should be able to as well.  Unfortunately, it really can’t.

The first problem is the script, which is absolute bollocks.  The film starts out with a poorly narrated opening text that explains how Sally Hardesty has recently died and the entire Sawyer clan, including the supposed real identity of Leatherface, has been captured and killed.  Unfortunately, none of this really matters to the story, aside from Leatherface shacking up with a new family.  Leatherface has a leg brace now, inferring that TCM2 never happened, which explains why he’s alive while spitting in the face of fans.

After the opening text, all of the characters’ dialogue is exposition mixed with a steady stream of foreboding, by which we learn in the first ten minutes everything we need to or will know about the two main characters.  After that the action begins, with the main plot in full swing by the twenty minute mark.  Goodbye tension.

The characters are mostly boring and thoroughly unlikable, aside from Benny and a few of the villainous family members.  Benny of course has the benefit of being played by Ken Foree, who is automatically both badass and likable.  The family meanwhile is the only other real strongpoint, as none of them are especially forgettable.  We have Mortensen’s Tex, Everett’s Alfredo, Joe Unger as Tinker, and Miriam Byrd-Nethery as Mama Sawyer as our fun villains, though Mama’s screen time is unfortunately rather limited.  Everett, who is derivative of the original’s Hitchhiker, really steals the show with his wacky performance.

On the negative side of things, Leatherface is incredibly boring in this installment, his only engaging scene coming in near the end when he’s in the kitchen interacting with Tinker and his apparent daughter, played by Jennifer Banko.

That’s right boys and girls, Leatherface went and had himself a kid, which you won’t even realize if you don’t pay attention to the dialogue.  One would think that, being a movie called Leatherface, it would focus more on the titular character.  Such is not so, since aside from the aforementioned kitchen scene and a brief part where he’s (hilariously) trying to learn his spelling, it’s just the generic hack-and-slash formula.  We don’t learn jack shit about his character aside from the fact that his plumbing works.

So, we’ve got a boring story, boring protagonists (Foree aside), no real gore, and about as much tension as a soggy pile of rope.  While the villains make it pretty entertaining, and Leatherface having a Walkman is funny, this simply doesn’t feel like much more than half of a TCM movie, and that’s pushing it.  Maybe I’d be happier if I saw the uncut version,  but until then I consider this a huge letdown of Texas-sized proportions.

5/10