Suffer For Your Art

It’s difficult to write an even remotely lengthy review of Marian Dora’s Cannibal, as it is without a doubt one of the simplest horror films ever made, as well as one of the least surprising story-wise.  The plot revolves around a Man who wishes to experience some sort of extreme pleasure that is never really explained (though we can safely assume it involves the title), and who meets another man, the Flesh, online who wants someone to eat him.  The two meet up, have gay sex, and the Man proceeds to devour his meal in a rather lengthy process that involves even more gay sexual activities.  That’s really it.

It should be noted that the lack of plot for the film is by no means a problem, in fact it could very well be thought of as a positive.  The ritualistic handling of the consumption is brilliantly played with no twists or major surprises, instead opting for an extremely realistic portrayal of the events which in turn are based on reality.  The subject the titular character is based on is Armin Meiwes, whose killing of Bernd Jürgen Brandes landed him with life imprisonment and the nickname “the Rotenburg Cannibal.”  Upon reviewing the basic facts of the case, I’ve concluded that this film is a pretty close representation slightly dramatized for the medium.  Brandes was, according to the heap of evidence presented, just as complacent with himself and his situation as he appears in the film, which lends to my enjoyment of it all.

The performances, all two of them, are difficult to pin down, as the dialogue in the film is so scarce that everything relies on their ability to not go from actors to boring props.  Judging from this angle, both Carsten Frank as the Cannibal and Victor Brandl as the Flesh do very well.  I could always tell what they were thinking, and as such found myself not missing the dialogue at all.  It should also be noted that Frank has been making a small name for himself in the low-no budget film world, with relatively minor roles in 2007’s Angel of Death 2 alongside Jesus Franco and in two Ulli Lommel flicks, 2004’s Zombie Nation and 2005’s Green River Killer, as well as a few other horror titles.  Seeing as I found Frank a more interesting actor, it’s nice to know that I can find him in a few more easily obtained films, even if they don’t hold up.

 Director Dora, who collaborated with Ulli Lommel on three of the infamous director’s more recent projects, is more than competent in his handling of the material and even goes so far as to display an art house frame of mind I  can’t help but find admirable.  The toll on this film had the director been more blunt and gone about this in an Eli Roth-type manner would have been catastrophic, but as it stands the whole show went down brilliantly.

The main reason behind Cannibal’s popularity is the life-like special effects, and for good reason as they are just that.  It’s astounding, everything from a cringe-worthy severed penis to a buffet of perfectly replicated organs.  Combined with the DV camerawork, they add an unnerving realism that will leave even the most experienced viewer feeling subtly uncomfortable.  In fact, I’d even go so far as to lambast the similarly graphic but much more popular Cannibal Holocaust’s effects as childish in comparison.  Yep, they’re pretty tight.

Overall, I enjoyed the film from three points of view:  as a true crime buff, as a special effects enthusiast, and as a filmmaking nut.  However, simply from an audience member standpoint, I couldn’t help but not feel especially entertained, nor did I wish to view the film a second time.  As a single viewing though, it did what it set out to do, and that’s really all that matters.

7/10

Alex McNetti is sick. Like, really, really, REALLY sick, like throwing up and shitting worms and maggots simultaneously sick. Lucky for Alex, he has a very caring, big-tittied wife with a mortician friend who has the perfect antidote–ground up bones. If that wasn’t enough to fuck up the various characters’ lives, a hotshot inspector is up and about investigating a few strange murders at the local cemetery, while a possibly related outbreak of the living dead has come out of nowhere.

Director Brian Paulin makes cheap movies, and when I say cheap, I mean CHEAP. The lighting is hardly there and sometimes feels like a shabby Argento rip-off, the the camerawork is almost nonexistent and seems to rely mainly on tripods, and the acting is pretty stiff overall. However, if there’s one thing Paulin delivers on, it’s the gore. And really, do we expect anything less? The blood and torn flesh is on full display, with some especially well-made zombie action at the end of Paulin’s biggest movie yet, Bone Sickness.

Sub-standard production values aside (as always), the concept behind the film is admirably simplistic, and the very few twists work well enough the carry its slim frame. I suppose if I were to review this film and it had more money behind it though, I would have to say that Paulin could use some work in the conveyance department. The story moves along at a slow and sometimes confusing pace, and seems to rest firmly on the knowledge that there will be gore every five minutes. This is no surprise considering the no-budget zombie flick sub-genre, but it is something that could be vastly approved on nonetheless.

The acting, as stated, is often wooden but carries through where it counts. Rich George is fine as usual, here playing the sickly Alex. His wife, played by Darya Zabinski (who actually appears to be getting better jobs than I would have guessed) is somewhat restrained when she shouldn’t be, but still offers a solid performance for a Morbid Vision Films production. Paulin himself of course pops up as the mortician, who is given extra creepy stalker tones thanks to that long-ass hair (sorry Brian, just let it go!), and does the job he gave himself well. That’s really it as far as compliments go on the acting front. Everyone else is either terribly wooden or not acting at all, though Kevin Barbare as Inspector Seacrest almost pulls through. Alas, he is pulled under.

Now, the effects work. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a movie where such a thing fluctuates quite like this (I believe the last case was the big budget Virus). In one corner we have a girl being sawn in half and bodies exploding, and then on the other we have bare healthy skin on long-rotten zombies and what appears to be half a rack of cooked pork ribs taken out of a rather well made fake corpse. The fact that this film took two years to make simply emphasizes such bewildering errors in judgement, as it seems the one thing that Paulin would do is pay extra close attention to his gore FX. Don’t think I am bashing the film quite yet, though; it is a good film overall, it is simply distracting when certain mistakes are made. Overall, Paulin does a good job and provides a few rarely seen stunts in such a no-budget film, such as the flipping of a car and the aforementioned exploding body.

Another element in the film’s favor is Paulin’s love of grossing out his audience. Rich George vomiting and shitting worms, only to attempt to devour them afterwards really hits a soft spot, and the use of other creepy crawlies throughout adds a sense of ethereal horror that really is quite nice.

Overall, Bone Sickness is a nice try that could have been better, but also could have been a lot worse. You get tits and you get gore, and watching this movie, that’s probably all you want. Also, watch out for the twist at the end explaining the zombies, as it’s so silly you won’t want to miss it.
6/10

Horror-movies.ca has a look at the latest poster for the Ron Perlman-starring indie The Last Winter, and she is a beauty. The flick was released in a limited theatrical run a little while back, and will be showing up on DVD July 22nd.

I recall seeing the trailer for this a few months ago, and I immediately thought of The Thing and Session 9’s bastard child, which spells “bitchin’” in my book. Expect a review when the DVD comes around… on Netflix…

Anyone with a creepy Aleister Crowley obsession (and presumably long black hair and pale skin) will be happy to know a horror flick is coming out centered around Mr. Crowley’s resurrection and the ensuing mayhem, penned by Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden.  One of the writers at Arrow in the Head found the trailer on Myspace of all places, and it looks pretty wicked.  Check it out:

Chemical Wedding Official Trailer

All of you lucky bastards in the UK can view this gem on May 30, while we here in the States will most likely get boned until the DVD comes out.

The fine folks over at the Permuted Press blog just released news Friday that writer David Dunwoody has started a new free online serial novel, entitled The Harvest Cycle.  This is Dunwoody’s second serial, after 2006’s Empire.  Here’s the given synopsis:

In 2062, the Year of the Fiftieth Harvest, a Man confined to the sewers, tunnels and caverns of the underworld will venture above ground, into the cities-turned-wilderness left behind after the apocalypse, in a last bid to stop the alien Harvesters and the terrible Other Gods working their puppet-strings.

Only a few things stand in the way of our brave dreamers. First are the Harvesters themselves, who arbitrarily rise from the depths of the ocean to reap humankind; second are the synths, our own robot companions, who now believe that we are better off dead in this new world; third are those men who believe that they can stave off the Harvesters by extracting the human soul and condemning Man to a life without dreams.

This is the new apocalypse. This is the Harvest Cycle.

I’ve read the prologue, which is all that’s out right now, and I enjoyed it very much.  My only complaint is the use of the city name “Gotham” and the character’s name “Jack DaVinci”, both of which seem too cliché.  Otherwise, it’s very engaging and I recommend it.  I’ll probably review the chapters a few at a time in the future.  Until then, check out The Harvest Cycle right over here, or if you prefer I’m sure Permuted Press will publish it in its entirety in a year or so, as they did with Empire.

This misleadingly titled little ditty is a shot-on-video psychological horror crime flick that looks like it was made in 1992.  It’s really about as cheap as they come, with almost no video or audio quality, questionable actors, and very, very, very cheap locations.  However, what it lacks in budget, it more than makes up for in a charming script, a few eccentric characters, and a surprisingly competent director.  Said director is Todd Reynolds, whose only other directional effort is an apparently uber-cheap flick called Living a Zombie Dream, which I’ve added to my Netflix queue and should receive in a couple of weeks.  

The film follows a group of henchman of the perverted, foul-mouthed, presumably insane and–at least on paper–rich Mr. Hill, played by Dan Rowland covered in AIDS-victim make-up.  The henchmen are a fun little trio (well, quartette technically, but that changes quickly) of surprisingly fun characters.  They consist of Brother (Frank Alexander, who played The Boss in the indie accomplishment Sinyster); a sadistic psychic with a penchant for big guns and serious meditation, Richards (Sinyster director Ronnie Sortor); a comically inept bully of a man especially loyal to Mr. Hill, and Gates; a young schizophrenic up-and-comer hoping to become like the stoic Brother.  These three chaps are given the assignment of guarding a group of businessmen for Hill, and while Brother and Richards spend all of their time playing games with the men, Gates is off consorting with a young woman while planning out how to become more like Brother and, in turn, how to take over Mr. Hill’s position.  What follows is a short, sweet show of blood, gore, and witty banter that rises above its torn, dirty canvas.

Obviously, the plot isn’t the most lucrative work of art out there, but this is really more of a character study than anything else.  Brother is the stereotypical badass enlightened motherfucker, Gates is all of those kids out there who want to grow up just like said badass enlightened motherfucker, while Richards is the intermediate badass motherfucker who is fine as such.  This look into the world of being a badass motherfucker works its magic via some catchy dialogue and a quirky plot that’s very much suited for a short, and works here thanks in part to the meager 71 minute runtime.

Aside from a terrible shot-on-video image, Kitty Killers is a unique crime flick that, while not epic or particularly well-made, still manages to be both entertaining and mildly thought-provoking, with incredibly memorable characters. 

6/10

Quiet Earth is reporting that the DVD for the lo-no budget horror flick Zombies Anonymous will be on DVD May 6 from Insane-O-Rama Productions.  You can check out that article over here.  The synopsis goes a little something like this:

In a world where the living and the dead co-exist, people continuously find ways to cope and look for answers. Zombie Anonymous meetings, look alive face creams, all meat diners help the mortally challenged find their way in this bizarre society. ZA takes you on an unforgettable ride where life meets death, or does it?

The film is much more up my alley than the title would suggest, which makes sense since it was originally titled Last Rites of the Dead, as seen in the trailer below.

Twitch is reporting on a second teaser trailer for the Russian slasher flick S.S.D., and while it’s hard to tell just how high the budget is, it looks like a well-polished genre indie and it takes place in a cheap-looking location, so I figure it’s safe to assume it’s of the low budget variety.  I couldn’t find any plot details, but from the looks of things this looks like a “teens cut off from society hunted by unstoppable killer,” so I’m game.  

Check out both teasers over here.

There’s a new review for the post-apocalyptic zombie flick The Vanguard up over at Quiet Earth, and it appears to be all smiles and sunshine as far as this bad boy goes.  Check it out.  Also, the official site has a trailer that’s absolutely, for lack of a better term, bitching, so check that out as well over here.  The plot concerns a lone samurai-like man who wanders the woods of a post-apocalyptic world generally kicking ass and taking names, all while maintaining a bitching beard.

I thought, since I’m all about little indie projects, some YouTube vids would be in order.  Please keep in mind that, much like everything else, some of these may be unsafe for work.  As for children, well, they have to learn some time.

Stormtroopers of the Apocalypse

Note:  This was my favorite entry into the SXSW Grindhouse trailer competition.  I loved Hobo with a Shotgun and Maiden of Death, but this just took the cake for me.

Pineapple-Shaped Dildo

Note: Dildos are always funny.

CSI: Elm Street

Note:  This was a hard pick for me, because all of DC Lugi’s stuff is phenomenal.  I suggest you check them out, as he is so funny it’s unfair.

Stick Figures on Crack

Note:  I love stick figure cartoons.  As far as I’m concerned, they’re the biggest thing on the Internet.  PivotMasterDX is a great example of someone who knows how to work the stick (yep, that’s right). 

Metalinguistic Low-Budget Short Movie

Note:  Trust me.